I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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