remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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