get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
