The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
