we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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