She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
