im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
