Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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