A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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