The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
