Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
