when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
