Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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