why didn't you poke me back
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How's work?
Spinning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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