True but thats because hes a fetus.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
