Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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