1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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