i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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