So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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