I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
