Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
