I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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