I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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