Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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