hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
