sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We need to get me chipped asap
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
