if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
