'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
