literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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