Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
