Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.