the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
