do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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