could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...