I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
