my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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