I could have mohawked her pubes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
