I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
