i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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