Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
