Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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