do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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