That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
