i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
