Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
