plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
