When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
