Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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