I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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