whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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