I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
