i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we're so committed to being not committed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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