C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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