I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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