no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
