Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
