woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
