So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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