I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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