so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
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Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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