Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
