Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
