thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
