He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
