So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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