They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
