Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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