Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
