Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do vagina's smell?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
